Monday, May 17, 2010

I'm in over my head.

Good day!

My apologies again for my confusing ramble last night.

The whole thing started with me thinking about my grandfather. My dad's dad is an outgoing, positive, funny man. He cracks jokes all the time, is full of energy, and has the cutest old man laugh. A few years ago, they found cancer in his lung. Because of that, they had to cut off half of one of his lungs.. Everything seemed to be going well, until (I believe) around the end of 2009. They found more cancer spots in his lungs. About a month ago, my dad called me with the news that the cancer had spread to his spinal cord. For those of you who don't know much about cancer, once it gets into the bone, it can lead straight to the brain. I saw my grandpa this past weekend, and he wasn't the same man. He's in constant pain, he can't do much, his memory is going, he barely laughed, and he couldn't stay awake for much longer than an hour. It's really hard to see somebody that you love go through all of this.. Before we left, my grandma, aunt and dad talked about funeral arrangements. That was really tough. My grandparents live alone in a cottage somewhere in the country. Although they have friends in their little neighbourhood, I don't see my grandmother having much strength once he's gone. Unlike many people I know, I luckily still have all of my grandparents. I don't want to see any of them go..

Anyways, not only has that been going through my mind since I've left on Saturday afternoon, but a lot of things have changed since I've been home for the summer.

Then, was my future. Last night, I realized that I have no experience in my field. Thankfully, I have my internship in my fourth year that will be very helpful, but I'm not the only university student who's currently studying journalism, and there definitely is not a job for each and every one of us once we graduate. I need to start focusing on getting my foot in the door, and determining exactly what it is I want to do, because I definitely don't want to waste my internship opportunity with something that I completely despise.

I guess these are some of the things that can explain last night's post. I'm feeling a lot better about everything, and am trying to keep my head up.

Smiles are much prettier than frowns :)


1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry about your grandfather. I know you feel. Losing someone you love is very hard and it's ten times harder to get over that person once they have left. Your grandfather sounds like an amazing man, you are very lucky to have spent your life this far with him. I know it will be hard for him to get better, but your smiling face will keep his head high.

    I remember when my grandfather was very sick (only months before he passed away), I celebrated my birthday at his house. He hadn't eaten out of his bed for so long but he decided to get up and sit at the dinner table to celebrate my birthday. I'm honestly choking up right now thinking about it. The smallest gestures can really mean the world! I'm sure visiting your grandfather made his weekend. He's very lucky to have an amazing granddaughter like you!

    As for not seeing Matt... I get you. I saw Nick tonight for 30 minutes. I probably won't see him again until next week (or maybe, if I'm lucky, the end of this week). It sucks because it's summer time and we go into things expecting everything to be as perfect as the beach. And theeeen, it's not. It's just a frustrating time period that is somehow busier than the school year. It's really poopy, but you and Matt will find a way :) You know you will!

    Oh Jesus, I'm so scared to graduate, Ashlee. PETRIFIED. I don't know what i'm going to do. Yeah, I've worked for FutuReale and I've helped with Events but none of that was really the journalism we've learned so far. I feel like there is so much pressure to get into a good university, so much pressure to stay in that university with great marks, and then TONNES of pressure to find a job months after graduation. The good thing is that we won't be the only people looking for a job. I guess that's a bad thing, too, though.

    Nonetheless, the media better watch out for you. You've got good looks. You've got an amazing head on your shoulders. You've got the skills! AND, most importantly for the industry, you understand what it's like to work for and learn from annoying editors like Kimberley Noble. You'll be more prepared than anyone else, these aren't the only reasons to prove it!

    It'll be hard, but I know you can do it!!

    Miss you<3