And no, this one cannot be answered with 'why not.'
Honestly, life is so confusing. I have so many question, but I don't think that anybody will ever be able to answer them for me.
Why am I sitting here, in my room full of clothing, using my macbook and listening to my iPod, where I have a cell phone, access to the Internet, to food, to warmth... essentially to everything that somebody in a third world country does not. Why am I here, studying at a University and spending thousands of dollars, when there are so many people who can't even afford to eat a meal per day. They live in houses made of mud, of straw, and here I am complaining that my room is too small, or too ugly. How fucking selfish of me. Of so many of us, actually!
What makes me so privileged to be here while several people are dying in third world countries because they don't have access to things that they NEED for survival; not want, but need. Water, food, shelter, clothing, medicine. Things that I take for granted every single day. I'll complain that I don't have enough clothes when I can go six weeks without doing laundry, or that the fridge is empty when in reality, it's full.
I want to figure out why I'm here, and not over there. I want to know why I got so lucky. Am I here for a reason? To help those who are less fortunate than I? I have no idea.
But I want to do something about it. I want to build schools, homes, wells, churches. I want to help.
It's not fair that I have water, food, heating, electricity, and so many things that I don't NEED, but WANT. I am loved by my family, my friends, my boyfriend. Could you imagine seeing somebody you love pass away because they are malnourished? Probably not, because we're living in Toronto, in Ottawa, not Africa, not India.
I want to make a difference. I don't want to take anything for granted anymore, I no longer want to be selfish or greedy..
I think I've found my new life goal.